If you’re going to rebrand from teeny-bopper to Very Edgy Adult (™), you may want to pick a song written by someone who hasn’t exclusively produced music for the Disney Channel.
For the blissfully unaware, JoJo Siwa is a child-reality star turned YouTuber turned children’s toy tycoon turned “singer”. At just 20, Siwa’s most recent rebrand has been largely panned as cringy. As much as I hate to pile on, well, here it goes.
“Karma” was written by Tim James, Antonina Armato, and Desmond Child, whose credits include “Bet on It” from High School Musical, “If We Were A Movie” from the Hannah Montana soundtrack, and “She Bangs” by Ricky Martin. To be honest, I would classify these songs as “Bop”, “Jam”, and “Banger” musically, but what they have in common is their less-than-stellar lyrics. “Karma”, as a result, is the best showing of a team whose harshest critics have historically been 14-years-old.
[Verse 1]
I was a bad girl, I did some bad things / I swear I did it all for fun and it meant nothing
It never happened, it was a secret / Like when a tree falls in the forest, no one hears it
As she’s said herself, Siwa is looking to have her very own Miley Cyrus Bangerz moment. After all, Cyrus had also been itching to break out from her squeaky-clean Hannah Montana persona before reinventing herself. At the time, though, Miley’s insistence that she “Can’t be tamed” rang true, following leaked videos of her [gasp] smoking drugs. This lapse in memory is understandable, considering Siwa was seven at the time of the scandal. In the present, it seems she’s more concerned with the attention she’ll get from claiming bad girl status than actually achieving it.
Then, there’s the production. Right off the bat, you can tell this song is the best effort of an underpaid sound engineer to blend two voices together. Siwa, despite her best efforts, cannot hold a tune. Throughout the song, you can hear artifacts from this blending and aggressive pitch correction, which lands the vocals firmly in the uncanny valley.
Brit Smith in her version of “Karma”
One can’t help but compare this song to the hypothetical better song it could’ve been. What’s that? That version exists? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that “Karma” has a long-lost twin who got accutane, braces, and a makeover. “Karma” by JoJo Siwa, meet “Karma” by Brit Smith.
While entangled in the same lyrical mess as Siwa’s version, Smith’s take on “Karma” has the power of an actual singer and freaking Timbaland on its side. I highly encourage you to listen to these side by side and never again take the influence of a good producer for granted.
Despite Timbaland’s best efforts, though, nothing can save this song from itself.
[Verse 1 - continued]
Another late night, another crazy mood / And I didn't think twice what it would do to you
I was a wild child. you always knew it / It was a matter of time before I blew it
If this song wasn’t written in 2011, I would swear it had been ChatGPTed together from every song ever featured on Love Island.
When we get to the pre-chorus, we finally find a part that has the potential to be interesting. Invoking religion is about the most dangerous part of a song that’s presumably about how very edgy the singer’s become. The little jump up in the melody on “thou shall not cheat” is the least derivative melody in the entire song, and is performed serviceably by Smith and the way you’d expect by Siwa.
Siwa and Malia Murray in the “Karma” video
[Pre-Chorus]
Thou shall not lie, thou shall not cheat
Thou shall not get caught or you'll end up just like me, oh
Siwa stares down the viewer, daring them to close the tab during the unbearable, unnecessary two measures of drop out.
If you’ve ever been to a Kohl’s department store, you’re familiar with the type of production treatment the chorus got, no need to listen for yourself.
Yes, Siwa says “effed” around, which is WILD because even the Brit Smith version says “messed around”, you know, the thing you would say if you didn’t want to swear? But you want to… almost swear? You changed it TO “effed”? What is this song?
Another sizable difference between the two versions is the eight count dropout that is undeservedly stuck in the Siwa version after “thou shall not get caught”. What have you done to earn that drop out young lady? TWO BARS? We haven’t even gotten to the first chorus yet! This is lunacy! You know what, I take back my mild compliment about the pre-chorus.
[Chorus]
Karma's a bitch, I should've known better
If I had a wish, I would've never effed around
When I saw the pics of you and her, I fеlt the knife twist
Karma's a bitch, and she's with you right now
I could talk about the last line of the chorus for days. This shoehorned attempt at being clever betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of how to tell an effective story. Rhetorically, if the point of the song is what goes around comes around, the punctuation on the end of the chorus needs to be introspective, not a hastily-made jab that makes the singer look like an idiot, an asshole, or both. Why not “Karma’s a bitch, I guess I found out”? Because this is not a good song, it’s not trying to be a good song, it’s trying to get people to talk about JoJo Siwa and in that respect, touché.
Analyzing the second verse and the bridge might actually prove fatal, so I’m going to stop here, barring two small comments. One: The song gets points for having a bridge. It’s not a good bridge, but it’s there. Two: I’m not going to comment on the music video or dancing because mine are an abomination so I’ll leave you with a selection of my favorite comments:
